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She felt his hands on the front of the thin blouse, scrabbling slightly to release the buttons. God she thought, she was so nervous, all the worries about a stranger intruded on her thoughts. Would she even want to, and if she did, what would it do to her and Jonathan? She held her breath and glance over at Jon who was smiling softly, as if he knew her torment. What had he said? “Live in the moment doing what I have instructed you to do, but take everything that controlled senses can give”. She closed her eyes and realised that Mark had her bra undone and was massaging her breasts. The senses were working, she could feel the heat of the contact, felt herself getting excited, whether through Marks ministrations or the effect of the whole circumstance. She felt Mark, gently, but unsubtly pushing her downwards. She had half a smile as she thought that she had no will in this. She dropped down to her knees. She smiled and stroked her fingernails along the material stretching under the. I suddenly realize in a flash of enlightenment that I don’t want enlightenment at all. I don’t want to be perfect. I want to be someone who laughs at dirty jokes and kisses strangers and drinks on Sundays and gets laid with silly boys who play the guitar. I want to be me. And one thing I know about Gaia, she’s not me. I lash out to slap her, but it’s like dredging my hand through pudding. She shimmers, and I can feel sticky tendrils of her clinging to my hand as I pull away. She’s not finished, I realize in a sudden understanding that’s not entirely my own. She’s still only a thoughtform, she needs a body. She needs my body. She’s going to take my body, flow inside of me and ‘purge’ me of the unwanted things, and then she’ll be real and I’ll be the ghost- I turn to run, but it’s far too late for that. She’s on me with inhuman speed, and I feel her grasping at me with warm and squidgy hands. She sinks in half an inch, and suddenly it’s like I’m looking at a fun-house mirror version of.
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